Rethinking Happiness

What does it mean to be happy?
What do we seek when we seek happiness?
How long can we maintain happiness?
Is being happy really the ultimate goal we should have?

All of the time, we see people who we think are happy. But appearances can be very deceiving. One scientist concluded that there are 19 kinds of smiles, and only one of those 19 is genuine and felt from within (The Science of Happiness, Stefan Klein, 7). The other 18 smiles can be useful, but there is no inner happiness felt behind them. What we must recognize is that often what we think is happiness, the appearance of happiness, is false.

Here is another interesting piece of information: scientists have found, through doing studies all over the world, that culture has very little impact on the development and range of human emotions. Some cultures may show feelings more openly, but happiness and sadness, fear and anger, are all feelings shared by everyone. Certain cultures do not have more happiness than others, the display of emotions is just different.

Too often happiness is grounded in illusion, self-deception and ignorance (just think, an addict feels happy when he is high). Too often happiness is at the expense of another person, where one person’s happiness is hurting another (example, jokes). In addition, happiness can only give us short bursts of energy that don’t last, and we are always left wanting more.

Happiness is an emotion. Emotions come and go all of the time; emotions are constantly changing. Religious and spiritual teachings warn us to have control over emotions and not let them rule our thinking and actions. Emotions can be useful and enjoyable, but perhaps what we should strive toward is more about a quality of being…something that can be maintained longer than an emotion. Something that embodies a way of being in the world that honors, respects, and loves all of life in an authentic way.

Let's think about renaming happiness, creating a different way of talking about what we really mean by it and what accurately portrays what can help us live more meaningful lives. How about, positive energy, inner peace, gratitude, compassion, caring, authenticity, joy. It is about changing the way we see and perceive things in our lives that will help us maintain positive energy and positive thoughts. We need to learn tools for dealing with stress and challenging situations that help us learn and grow from them and not get stuck and held back. This does not mean we won’t feel angry, sad, lonely, or depressed. We will feel those things because we are human, and because these “negative” emotions can help us just as much as positive emotions. The goal should be to be authentic and real to who we are as human beings, and then to live in a way that helps us grow, learn, love, and celebrate life.

What are we searching for when we are searching for happiness? In ourselves, what we really want is fulfillment. We want to feel connected to people and life. We feel connected in many different ways…we connect in sharing life stories and who we are, we connect in each other’s suffering, we connect through love, we connect through learning, we connect in nature, we connect in arts and music. We also want to feel like our lives have a purpose and meaning, which is usually helping others in some way.

In others, what we really want are people who support us, who know us deeply to our core, who we can share our stories with and be truly heard, understood, and loved, who are kind in an authentic and consistent way, who love us through the difficult times, who encourage us to keep going when we want to give up, who help us remember there is joy and meaning in life, who keep us on our path and help us become who we want to become, to become a better person. This kind of love is what energizes us on a consistent basis, it is what feeds our soul.

Sure it is great to feel happy, but perhaps the goal is to understand and accept that these feelings don’t last, to not be attached to them, and finally to realize there is more meaning in life than these positive feelings that we call happiness. There is so much more that our souls are yearning for—let us focus on and strive for that which our souls yearn.